Divorce is a bitch. You know anyone that is divorced? Bet that you do. Kids get pulled all around, mental anguish, bad feelings , good times, bad times, all of that and more. It messes up everyone, it just ain't the kids, it is everyone way on down the line: grandparents, friends, uncles and aunts and more and more .
My oldest son just flew home to his mother, my first wife.
and it sucks, choked up at the gate while he walks all by himself with his head down, disappearing. Walking until I can not see him anymore. Helpless feeling, strangers all around, those strange faces, nobody understands, want to drink whiskey until I no longer remember, but I can not, gotta take care of other kids, dogs, drive to home, two hours away. All the emotions bubbling to the surface, hate, pain, anger, sadness. Man the hell up and move on. Fight on, think of the other options. There are none but to fight it.
Out of my way, no it's okay, I didn't mean it. Hug the wife, kids and dogs. Look into everyone's eyes to judge the love. It is there. They do not know what you are doing, and that is fine, it is all in your head, and your head is spinning and heavy and needs relief. Guess what?
It is life and it's a bitch just like most everything else in life, a total bitch. Good times interspersed with tons and tons of reality, what life is really about- death, disease, accidents, food and atmosphere poisoning you, life gets broken down and dies, pets die in your arms, you go to the doctor and get the worst news, you see your older relatives go from strong as hell to needing you for everything, or almost everything. And you feel bad for all the duties that you may have shirked because you were thinking about some girl in 8th grade while they needed your help.
Looking past the bad times, ya gotta know, there is some good in there, but it is mostly good memories that you look back upon that delete the bad memories. You ever wonder if right now, right then, you are gonna remember this time? This great time with a sneaky suspicion, hell, not even a suspicion, a fact of life, that the great time that you are having is fleeting and here it comes-a bad time, a black cloud hovering, bringing it on, like a tornado happening all of a sudden when you least expect it.
Well, expect it, it always comes. It's inevitable.
it's a freight train a coming round the bend. Red lights flashing, cross the tracks at your own peril.
What to do?
Savor the moment, that good moment, that great moment of love and hugs and all that is clear. Relish it, realize it and dive into it. It is all that you have.
